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Dealing with toxic relationships in your life can be very mentally exhausting and tough. However when the toxicity comes from your parents- the people who are supposed to provide you with love and a sense of security, it can be unbearable. This article explores more about toxic parents dynamics and how to deal with it.
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A toxic parent does not have a fixed definition, however includes an extensive range of harmful traits, all of those that undermine a child's sense of well being, stability, and self confidence. A toxic parent can be intervening, demanding and aggressive, putting the child at high risk for long term mental and physical health issues that continue even when the child grows up.
Toxic parents' traits can be so disturbing that it affects a child’s mental health at any age. Toxicity can be deceiving because toxic traits are not often obvious like physical abuse or torture. Toxic yet subtle demeanors, actions and attitude can harm a child’s well-being and development.Toxic parents might use verbal belittlement, emotional manipulation, and/or physical intimidation to control their children.
Toxic parents fall under different categories depending on their dominant toxic trait . Classification of toxic parents is as follows:
Here are the paraphrased descriptions of each parenting style provided in a jumbled order:
A narcissistic parent makes themselves the focal point of family dynamics, seeking admiration and lacking empathy for others' needs, including their children's. They are self centered and self focussed.
Helicopter parenting refers to parents that are super overprotective about their children. Just like helicopters hover, so do these parents. They involve themselves in each aspect of their children’s life and worry a lot. They are known to micromanage their children and become a part of each and everything related to them
Passive or permissive parents avoid conflict and rarely enforce boundaries or expectations, leading to a lack of structure and potential issues with authority.
Dismissive parents minimize their child's feelings and needs, which can lead to feelings of undervaluation and difficulties in self-expression and self-worth.
Toxic Parents as mentioned before don't have a definite set of characteristics however some traits can be overlapping. Following is a list of common traits of toxic parents :
Manipulating or Controlling .
They might be over intervening in your life choices.
They may constantly judge you and your life choices.
They might be overly needy and demanding from you.
They might never realize that they are wrong and impose the reason for all problems as you.
They might not ever prioritize your needs.
The effect of toxic parent dynamics can be both physical as well as mental. The worst part is that these effects are long term and don't disappear when the child grows up. People who grow up in toxic environment are often:
Increased Vulnerability to Abusive Relationships
Challenges with Self-Esteem
Possible PTSD Development
Weak Immune System
Risk of Chronic Mental Health Conditions
Struggles with Executive Functioning
Self-Harm and Suicidal Tendencies
Difficulty in Forming Healthy Relationships
It is important to set boundaries with your parents. Sit with them and help them understand where to draw the line between care and over intervention.
Trying to change people who do not want to change can become extremely overwhelming. Instead focus on your actionables - the way you respond, the way you act around them, etc.
Trust is essential for maintaining healthy relationships, however it is important to ensure that oversharing can also result in toxic behavior.
Your parents might not meet this standard if they:
Talk about you behind your back
Criticize you
Disclose your personal information without your consent
Use your confidences against you
It is important to not have negative feelings in your head. This can result in mental trauma. Find a support system - a friend or anyone who you truly trust and vent out your angst to them. This can help you clear your head.
Seeking professional help from a therapist can go a long way in fighting mental stress and trauma. Having family therapy sessions can help in reducing toxic behaviour by parents.
Dealing with toxic parents is a challenging and emotionally taxing experience, especially when they fail to provide the support and security expected from them. While changing toxic parents is often unrealistic and many times not possible, setting boundaries, being cautious about what you share, seeking support, and pursuing therapy can empower you to protect your mental health and help in personal growth.
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